1. He genuinely wants to help but his luck ditches him every time.
2. He is a passionate guy but has no ideology, no objectives and at last nothing on his political plate.
4. Rahul is so emotional, several times he even starts crying between the rallies.
5. He follows scripts rather than his mind. And don’t even proofread it.
6. His idol is Digvijaya Singh. Ab aur kya kahe!
7. He wants to take responsibilities but don’t know how to handle.
8. He is desperate for PM seat. I think he must try to control his emotions and start investing his force in good direction. Bandi patana is a good option for Rahul baba!
Some Popular Rahul Gandhi Jokes:
During the ‘90s Rahul Gandhi was in the United States. He had failed in every field of study as he found any field of study to be difficult. He was just pretending to be studying there while the fact was that he was just drifting and killing time. Most of the following incidents happened during that period:
Rahul Gandhi decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. He mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but Rahul Gandhi begins to slip from the saddle. Out of sheer terror, he grabs for the horse’s mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse’s neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up his frail grip, he leaps away from the horse to try and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup. He is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground again and again. As his head is battered against the ground, he is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Rahul Gandhi goes into work one morning at a petrol pump crying his eyes out. His boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” Rahul Gandhi replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call from my brother-in-law saying that his father had committed suicide and passed away.” “I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.” Rahul Gandhi very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows Rahul Gandhi to work as usual. “If you need anything, just let me know,” he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Rahul Gandhi. He looks out over his office and sees Rahul Gandhi crying hysterically. He rushes out to him, and asks, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” “No,” replies Rahul Gandhi, “I just got a call from my sister, Priyanka and she said that HER father-in-law committed suicide too!”
Veronique Carlos, Columbian drug lord girlfriend of Rahul Gandhi took him to a football game for the first time. After the game she asked him how he liked the game. “Oh, I really liked it,” he said, “but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.” “What on earth do you mean???” “Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was: Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!
One day Rahul Gandhi went out to check his mail box. There was nothing in it. His neighbour who was also out there gives him a weird look. An hour later he goes back out to his mailbox and goes back in ‘cause there was nothing in it and his neighbour goes “What the hell is he doing?” An hour later he goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbour gets curious enough to ask him what he was doing. Rahul Gandhi says, “My stupid computer keeps saying you’ve got mail.”
Rahul Gandhi was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for his ticket, she told Rahul Gandhi,”I’m sorry. Your ticket isn’t for first class. Could you please move to your seat.” Rahul Gandhi replied,”I’m a Gandhi, I’m young, and I’m going to New York.” The attendant said,”That’s fine mister, but you’ll have to go to your seat.” Rahul Gandhi responded again, ,”I’m a Gandhi, I’m young, and I’m going to New York.” This conversation continued, always with the Rahul Gandhi ‘s same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about Rahul Gandhi. The captain went and whispered something in Rahul Gandhi ‘s ear and Rahul Gandhi immeadiately got up and went to his seat in coach. The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn Rahul Gandhi to move. He said, “I just told him that this part of the plane wasn’t going to New York.”
Uncle Quotrocci gifted Rahul Gandhi a brand new car and he decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his aunt (Sonia’s sister) to expect him in the evening. But he didn’t reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught aunt ran and asked him what happened? He got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!”
Rahul Gandhi and Varun Gandhi went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and Rahul Gandhi bet Varun Gandhi $50 that he wouldn’t jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so Rahul Gandhi gave Varun Gandhi $50. Varun Gandhi said, “I can’t take this, you’re my cousin.” But Rahul Gandhi insisted saying, “No. A bet’s a bet.” Then Varun Gandhi said “Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.” Rahul Gandhi replied “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”
Rahul Gandhi got lost in his car in a snow storm. He remembered what his uncle Quotrocci had once told him. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.” Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and he started to follow it. He followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked him what he was doing. He explained that his uncle had told him if he ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart…”
Rahul Gandhi suspects that his Columbian drug lord girlfriend is cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to her apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when he opens the door, he finds his girlfriend in the arms of another man. He points the gun at her at stares her down for a moment. Then, suddenly, he’s overcome with grief, so he puts the gun up to the side his head. His girlfriend screams, “Honey, don’t do it…” Rahul Gandhi yells back, “Shut up! You’re next!”
Rahul Gandhi walks into a hair salon to get his hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks him to take off his headphones but Rahul Gandhi refuses. So the stylist takes them off and Rahul Gandhi collapses to the ground and becomes unconscious. The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, “Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…”
Rahul Gandhi had applied at Harvard University using a lot of diplomatic influence. But still he didn’t make it past first round interview. Why?
The interviewer wanted to find out something about Rahul Gandhi’s personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” Rahul Gandhi quickly responded, “The living one.”
One morning Rahul Gandhi calls his friend and says, “Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought — I can’t figure out how to get started.” His friend asks, “What’s the puzzle of?” “From the picture on the box, I’d guess it’s a tiger,” replied Rahul Gandhi. The friend obliges, and when he arrives Rahul Gandhi greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to him and says, “I’m afraid that no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box.” “Why not?” asks the Rahul Gandhi. “Because, you didn’t buy a jigsaw puzzle… what you have here is a box of Tiger brand Corn Flakes.”
A trucker stops at a red light and Rahul Gandhi catches up to him. He knocks on the window and says, “Hi, my name is Rahul Gandhi and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker just ignores him, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street. At the next light, Rahul Gandhi again catches up and says, “Hi, my name is Rahul Gandhi, and you are losing some of your load.” He ignores him again and continues down the street. At the next red light Rahul Gandhi catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, “Hi, my name is Rahul Gandhi and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker looks at him and finally he says, “Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s snowing, and I’m driving a salt truck.”
Rahul Gandhi decides to attend a charity fund raiser program attended by only Congress party sycophants and their paid media. He was called down to answer questions to see if he could win Rs. 100,000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? He hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no I’m sorry that’s incorrect. All of Congie sycophants in the stadium chanted “Give him another chance, give him another chance!” So the host agrees and said, “ok how about 5 plus 5.” Rahul Gandhi answers and says 20. Again all the Congie sycophants chanted give him another chance, give him another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance, what is 2 plus 2. Rahul Gandhi says 4! and the audience says Give him another chance give him another chance!
Rahul Gandhi came home from school one day and said to his mom, ”I can count higher than all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a Gandhi?” His mother replied, ”Of couse it is, dear.” The next day, Rahul Gandhi said, ”I can say the alphabet higher than anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a Gandhi?” His mother replied, ”Of course it is dear!” The next day Rahul Gandhi came home from his gymnastics and asked his mother, ”I have a larger chest than all the kids in my class, do you think it’s because I am a Gandhi?” His mother replied, ”No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old.”
While in Las Vegas, Rahul Gandhi walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. Rahul Gandhi looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind Rahul Gandhi and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him and asking if someone else could have a go. Rahul Gandhi turns around and shouts, “Can’t you see I’m winning!”
At a pharmacy, Rahul Gandhi asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby he held in his arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the father and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the father alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. “That won’t work,” countered Rahul Gandhi. “I’m not the father, I’m the uncle.”
Rahul Gandhi comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that his house is on fire, so he calls the fire department on his cell phone. “Please state the nature of your emergency,” says the operator. “Help! My house is on fire!” Rahul Gandhi replies. “Okay, where do you live?” “In a house you silly billy!” Rahul Gandhi replies. “No,no! How do we get there?” the operator asks frustratedly. “Duh! Big Red Truck!!”
A friend meets up with Rahul Gandhi as he is picking his car up from the mechanic. His friend asks, “Everything ok with your car now?” Rahul Gandhi replies, “Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”
After failing in everything else, Rahul Gandhi decided to try the job of a painter. A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found Rahul Gandhi painting the walls. He was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked Rahul Gandhi why he was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. Rahul Gandhi showed him the instructions on the tin, “For best results, put on two coats”.
Rahul Gandhi was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. Rahul Gandhi exclaimed, “Wow! I can’t believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!”
Q: What’s the difference between Rahul Gandhi and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What’s the Rahul Gandhi ‘s cheer?
A: ” I’m Gandhi, I’m Gandhi, I’m G.A.N.D….ah, oh well.. I’m Gandhi, I’m Gandhi, yea yea yea…”
In a fancy Geneva restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear. One day, Chidu, Sibal and Rahul Gandhi happen to be in Geneva (Switzerland) as they had come to launder their black money. They enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. Sibal goes first. “I think I’m the smartest minister in the cabinet.” “POOF!” he disappears. Chidu goes up to try. “I think I’m the most capable HM India has had.” “POOF!” he disappears. Rahul Gandhi goes up. “I think–” “POOF!”
Rahul Gandhi was really tired of being made fun of, so he decided to wear a mask so that he would look like Narendra Modi. When wearing the mask, he decided to take a drive in the country. After he had been driving for a while, he saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!” He got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?” The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said he could have a try. Rahul Gandhi looked at the flock and guessed, “157.” The farmer was amazed – he was right! So Rahul Gandhi, (who looked like Narendra Modi), picked one out and got back into his car. Before he left, farmer walked up to him and said. “If I can guess which politician you really are, can I have my dog back?”
Watch this video of Rahul Gandhi’s funniest speeches ever. This is on the YouTube.
Watch it carefully and hear his speeches. The best one I liked is - “today morning so got up at night”.
Watch it carefully and hear his speeches. The best one I liked is - “today morning so got up at night”.
- Poverty is a state of mind
- Politics is in your shirt and pant
- India is a river and is energy
- India is a beehive
- Spoke about escape velocity of Jupiter with a group of dalits
Interview with Arnab during General Election was best of best-est example. Means you can enlighten yourself by watching this video. Frankly speaking with Arnab: This was the only interview where Arnab was feeling numb :P
I actually wonder, why did he not start a comedy show, alike Kapil Sharma's, till now. He would be surely a tough competitor to Kapil.
Below mentioned some of his own quotes justify my wondering thought.
- On the 26/11 Mumbai attacks ---
We will stop 99 per cent of the attacks. But one per cent of attacks might get through and that is what I am saying.
- On the drug problem in Punjab
10 out of 7 youths in Punjab are hooked on to drugs."
- On India's youth advantage
India is the Saudi Arabia of 21st century.
- On the meaning of politics
Politics is in your shirt, in your pant.
- On being officially appointed as the party's No. 2
All the public systems - administration, justice, education and political are designed to keep people with knowledge out. Such a system promotes mediocrity.
- In a Congress Workshop on Social Media
If India is a computer, then Congress is its default program.
- In the CII Summit
India is a beehive.
- In an Ahmedabad Congress Meet
"Gujarat is bigger than the United Kingdom."
"In fact, India is you know, bigger than Europe and the United States put together."
- On being asked about providing e-literacy for poor children.
Can I ask you a counter question? How are you going to help them?
- On poverty
Poverty is just a state of mind. It does not mean the scarcity of food, money or material things. If one possesses self-confidence, then one can overcome poverty.
RaGa has so many dumb moments. Some of them are as follows:
- Two out of one children are suffering from malnutrition in Gujrat.
- Hindustan is a thought, it is place also, (fumbling), but Hindustan is a thought.
- Modi changes his dress 16 times a day.
- Today I got up in the night.
- Congress is a funny party. We don't have rules here. We make rules and then break it after 2 minutes. It is funny.
- Steve Jobs is from Microsoft.
